by Lucy Moscrop
TW: blood, pregnancy, miscarriage, depression / mental illness
My journey started at 8 years old - I started my periods at a young age. My first period, I remember being doubled over in the school toilets, crying because I thought I was dying. Every month was the same. I would lay on the bathroom floor, curled into a ball, crying my eyes out. At 9 years old, I was taken into A & E after I collapsed due to the loss of blood. After many visits to my general doctor, all I was told was “there is nothing wrong with you, your just having a bad period”. By the time I was 16, I had left home and I was all on my own, having to deal with excruciating pain every month. I walked into my doctor’s office, nearly passing out with the pain and the same thing was said to me; “it’s just a bad period”. I didn’t like that answer, so I walked out of the doctor’s office and walked straight into another one. The GP, who had never met me before, rang for an ambulance and I was blue lighted to the hospital, where I had emergency surgery. I was minutes away from a cyst bursting on my ovary. For a couple of months after surgery, the pain subsided. Also after the surgery, my periods stopped for 2 months, but they eventually came back with a vengeance. At 19, I was referred to a hospital in Manchester, where I had my first laparoscopic surgery to finally see what was going on. I was diagnosed the same day with stage 4 endometriosis and was told I may never have a successful pregnancy. Over the years, I would finally get pregnant, and months in, I would always miscarry. After many surgeries to try and get rid of the endometriosis, it would grow back just as bad.
I can only explain the pain as feeling like you are being strangled in barbed wire that you can’t pull away from, but your body is trying to rescue yourself by pulling, and it’s burning. I’m on fire. My insides pop, stretch, and most of my days I feel like I’m sat on burning hot knives. I cry myself to sleep every night wishing this could be all over.
In 2020, after I had a miscarriage, I was done - my mental health had reached rock bottom. I’d had over 20 surgeries to try and get some relief. At 26 years old, the decision was made that I would have a hysterectomy. My world was shattered, and so was I, but the pain is so exhausting. The hysterectomy was a success and I recovered really well, but a hysterectomy isn’t a cure. I still spend my life fighting back the tears. My ovaries were covered in endo, my bowels and my fallopian tubes were stuck together, and my womb and the lining of my walls have all been damaged. I now have severe scar tissue and this will never get better.
One thing I never knew about endometriosis is how it can spread and what it can target... Since my hysterectomy, I have struggled with migraines, bad eye sight, and a constant sore throat. I got the news in 2021 that endometriosis was now on my brain, my ears, and my throat.
The true pain of endometriosis is not only the severe physical pain, but the mental health side of things as well. I am now on anti-depressants and I take 3 different types of pain killers. I spend most of my days in bed with a hot water bottle. I have to cancel plans often; I have no social life, and many people still don’t understand why. Endometriosis took everything away from me; my ability to have children, my confidence, and my quality of life.
I would like people to remember - especially those assigned female at birth - it’s not just a bad period. If you feel something is not right, try and seek medical attention. Severe pain during periods is not normal.
Endometriosis needs awareness. One day, hopefully, we will have the cure we deserve.
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